


Dear Dean,

by R_squared



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Angst, Dreams, Enochian, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Letters, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 04:32:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8357359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_squared/pseuds/R_squared
Summary: A series of letters written by a Fallen Angel to The Righteous Man.





	1. The Beginning

_Dear Dean,  
In my time on earth I have come to learn many things about the human race. Recently I discovered letters, people often write them when they are unable to find the correct words to say. Or when they feel unable to say the words they so desperately wish to. It appears that these letters mostly go unread, as I understand it, they serve more as a personal release. _

_Recent events have made me feel the need to try it, so I’m writing to you while you sleep across the room from me. It almost feels like speaking to you._

_You’ve been praying to me again Dean._

_It feels as if it has been a millennia but I hear you. I hear every word you pray in my name. I’m not really sure if you even know that I do but I fear that you may stop if I told you._  
_I don’t want you to stop Dean.  
It’s the closest I have felt to you in such a long time._

_You pray the most just before you fall asleep._  
_You’re scared but you won’t let Sam know, you feel you have to be strong for him. So in those moments, when the fear creeps up on you, you call out to me, you ask me to stay by your side. To help you through the night._  
_I wish I could do more for you, I want to reach out and show you that I’m not leaving._  
_I could never leave you._  
_But I don’t._  
_I don’t reach out because I know you wouldn’t know how to respond, not yet, you still need time. If I came to you now and tried to hold you through the anxieties, you might slip away from me completely._  
_So I’ll wait._  
_I’ll listen._  
_As much as it pains me to see you suffer._  
_I’ll wait._  
_I’ll always wait._

_Castiel_


	2. Your Demons

_Hello Dean,_

_The thing about you Dean Winchester is that the most terrifying demons you fight… They’re in your head._

_Even if I’m not with you, no matter how far I am, I hear your screams piercing through the night. Whenever I hear them I always come to you immediately and find you tossing and sweating on whatever motel bed you’ve collapsed into that night.  
Sam is mostly awake by the time I arrive. He mostly sits silently with his head in his hands, I don’t think he knows how to help you either. He wishes he could, just as I do._

_But it’s worse when Sam doesn’t wake._  
_Because you’re still screaming, he just can’t hear you._  
_I can hear you though, locked inside your own mind. Screaming for me to save you again._

_I whisper to you.. I suppose humans would call it a lullaby. The enochian I speak to you is very ancient. I repeat the words my brothers would chime to me as they lifted me up when I would falter, back when I was young and still learning how to spread my wings._  
_I find comfort in those words and I believe you do to. Your tortured pleas begin to soften until your mind settles back into comfortable slumber as I speak. Sometimes just before you drop back into peaceful rest you will sigh out my name and a thank you from inside your mind._  
_In those moments I feel as if you are finally opening up to me, accepting me._  
_Maybe one day your waking mind will accept me too._  
_But for now, I’ll take what you offer._  
_I’d like to visit you in your dreams sometime, you may feel safer with me there, I’m unsure._

_You’re quiet again now but I won’t leave until you wake.  
The war in heaven seems so insignificant to me when you are in pain._

_I only wish you knew how much I am willing to sacrifice for you Dean Winchester.  
One day._

_Castiel_


	3. The Breaking Point

_Dean,_

_I am trying Dean._  
_You won’t even look at me most days. You continue to shrug me off like I’m some inconvenient joke but I know that it’s an act. Why won’t you just let me in? I am trying to do this your way but you’re so infuriatingly stubborn._  
_What are you so afraid of? Do you think I will hurt you? Or that you will hurt me?_  
_Because **this** is hurting me Dean. Your complete refusal to acknowledge what is between us is hurting me. I have given you everything, I rebelled, I fell, I have died, all for you. This is tearing me down on a very human level and I don’t know how I’m supposed to manage it._

_You pray to me Dean. All of your deepest thoughts and emotions. You get to release them through your prayers but who do I have to pray to Dean? No one. I am all alone.  
So I write you these letters that you will probably never read and I hold it all back. Always waiting for you to decide when you’re ready. _

_How can I show you that it’s okay? There must be something I can do._

_I will never stop you from living your life however you see fit. Even if it hurts when I see you stumble into the motel in the middle of the night with yet another strange woman tucked under your arm. If that truly makes you happy then it’s good enough for me.  
It doesn’t make you happy though, does it? I see straight through you Dean. I just want you to be happy and if I’m not the one who can make you happy then I can accept that but I know that I can._

_I wish I wouldn’t wait forever for you to come to me._  
_But I know that I will._  
_Through all the pain, I will always wait for you Dean.._

_Castiel_


	4. Dreams

_Dean.._

_I’ve been visiting you in your dreams lately, I hope you don’t mind. I don’t believe you do.  
You’ve been having less nightmares since I’ve begun visiting. You seem so much more rested in your waking hours, there’s light behind your eyes again._

_I’m not sure if you believe that I’m real or if you think I’m just another figment in your dreams. Though sometimes you interact with me in such a way that makes me so sure you know it’s truly me. Tonight it felt like you knew.  
I mostly stay back when I visit, allowing your dreams to play out on their own, I try to only intervene when I sense your anxieties creeping in and your mind darkening. _

_But sometimes I can’t resist, you look so serene, so at peace in your dreams. I want to be apart of that, I want to bring you peace. So I’ve been joining you, sitting in silence by your side. We glance out over whatever view you’ve created for us, talking occasionally, laughing. Our conversations flow easily there, it feels so freeing to be so at ease around you, to not be discussing the next big threat or convincing you not to throw yourself again into danger.  
Mostly you dream of a calm lake side, it’s beautiful and that’s where it happened._

_Dean, tonight you told me you loved me._

_You seemed so relieved to have the words out in the open. It was clear to me that you weren’t looking for a response. I could tell you were admitting it more to yourself than to me. It filled me with joy all the same.  
You already know how I feel Dean, I know you do, I told you again anyway, mostly out of selfish need to share the words._

_You’ve been different around me since you woke from that dream too. You’re closer._  
Maybe there is hope.  
_There’s hope that maybe one day you will say those words to me in your waking hours._  
_My waiting may be coming to an end._

_Castiel_


	5. Goodbye

_My dearest Dean.._

_I have to leave Dean._

_I have to leave you._

_If I don’t, they **will** kill you Dean. So I’ll hand myself over to my brothers, to answer for my crimes, to keep you safe._

_I need you to know that if circumstances were different, I would never leave, I want to wait for you Dean. We were so close.  
You said you wanted to talk before all of this happened, I knew from your expression that you wanted to have the exact conversation I had craved for so long._

_But everything's different now and we probably will never have the opportunity to have that conversation.  
That is my biggest regret._

_So I’m going to leave these letters somewhere that I hope you will find them. Even if I can never get closure on our time together perhaps they can provide you with some solace in the situation._

_I will leave this letter short as I’m struggling to find the words.  
Sometimes, even in letters, there just aren't the right words, because nothing will make it okay._

_I just want you to remember, I will always be yours._

_Goodbye Dean, I love you._

_Castiel._


	6. Dear Cas,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A final letter from The Righteous Man to a Fallen Angel.

_Hey Cas,_

_I found your letters today…  
And I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry. For all of it.   
I wasted so much time with you and now you’re gone.  
I’m going to get you back Cas, I owe you that much._

_Because I love you too._

_Dean._


End file.
